Dear Editor:
Dear Mayor of New Westminster,
Congratulations on your recent electoral win. It must be an exciting time for you and your family. As a sign of my appreciation I would like to invite you over to my apartment on Royal Avenue and treat you to a homemade breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Once you hear the traffic outside of my apartment you will probably want to skip lunch and dinner - or perhaps you have a full plate of work to do during the day.
Why don't you just come over for dinner instead? That would be great. That way you could hear not one lane, but two lanes of semi trucks gearing up, squealing, clanking, and you can also have an unlimited supply of diesel smoke with your dinner rather than a celebratory cigar.
If you like I will even turn on the TV for you so you can watch the local news while I make you dinner. You probably won't be able to hear a thing that is said, but in no time flat you will be able to lip read because that is how we do when you live on Royal Avenue.
Better yet, make a phone call to your family to tell them you will be home soon. You probably won't be able to hear them, or yourself speak for that matter.
It won't be necessary for you to bring over a bottle of wine as I don't drink, but if you could bring a decibel meter and your own filter mask that would be great.
It would be nice if you could get here around 2:30 p.m. and stay until 7 p.m.
I want you to have the full experience of how we, "The Little People," live on Royal Avenue. We can have Tylenol and oxygen for dessert.
S. Tanner, New Westminster
