Attention power washer thieves:
I just wanted to thank you very much for teaching me a valuable lesson. You guys are so sneaky, you trespassed onto my property, broke into my garage and stole my power washer, the whole time I was in the yard. You must be very proud of your accomplishments and have such a fulfilling life. Good for you!
Thieves, I just wanted to let you know, that due to you being such pilferers (you might have to look that word up), I decided that this would be an amazing opportunity to inform my fellow Queen's Park residents that there are very talented criminals around and they should shut their garage doors (day and night) and make sure that all their possessions in their yards should be locked up. How hard is it to put a chain and lock on a lawnmower or bike? We wouldn't want to assist you imbeciles obtaining easier purchases of drugs.
Important information (Thieves, if you can read, you can skip this paragraph): Homeowners, make sure you have the ID numbers on all your expensive power tools, household accessories and recreational equipment. House insurance will cover items that have ID numbers.
The police were very helpful in this matter and were delighted when I informed them that I do have the ID number for my power washer. Yeah, I did report it, losers. They also informed me that, due to this crime and others that you and your fellow degenerates have committed in New Westminster, they will be monitoring our neighborhood more closely. Thank you for helping make Queen's Park a safer place to live.
P.S. You forgot the hose, and knowing that you won't get that tiny extra piece of crack makes me smile.
Your mothers must be very proud of you.
Name withheld, New Westminster