Cycle of abuse
Abusive men start out seeming too good to be true, and the courtship can be intense. That’s the honeymoon phase.
After that comes the tension phase, when a man can seem moody or sullen.
Then there is the explosion phase, when the abusive man lets loose on his partner, perhaps yelling and swearing at her.
Often the abusive man will return to the honeymoon phase afterwards, and the cycle begins again.
Power and Control
An abusive man’s primary tactics are meant to exert power and control over their partner. The power and control wheel developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project shows the various types of abuse that a woman may go through. When Love Hurts has an adapted version.
Beliefs of abusive men
“He is central in the relationship. He is superior in the relationship. He is deserving of many privileges within the relationship.”
Examples of central thinking include the abuser thinking his career and hobbies are more important, he demands attention, and his needs come before everyone else’s.
Examples of superior thinking include criticizing his partner often, thinking he’s smarter than his partner and dismissing what his partner does.
Examples of deserving thinking include expecting praise for all household tasks, and expecting his partner to do more around the house and more parenting than he does.
Support
Women who are being abused need to know who they can turn to and who will support them while they are coping with the abuse and if they plan to leave the abuser.
Healing
Recovering from abuse requires going through a rebuilding process and a grieving process. It involves many mixed emotions.
The information above is from When Love Hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Understanding Abuse in Relationships by Jill Cory and Karen McAndless-Davis.
For the related story, click here.
