Dear Lisi: My husband and I used to be close with another family. Our kids grew up together and are similar in age. They went to different schools, but we vacationed together during the year and spent summers together for years.
The two husbands were separately close, going on golf trips together. And the wife and I were very close, in constant contact, almost daily.
Their son has recently reached a point in his career where he has become somewhat famous. People recognize him on the street, in airports, and he’s making big money for someone his age.
My daughter, who is closest in age to him, was always his best friend. He’s recently stopped answering her calls, texting her, basically ghosting her. She’s devastated.
I had lunch with his mom last month; she was cold and distant, constantly checking her phone. I finally said, “Am I keeping you from something more important?” She put her phone down, but we finished the meal in silence and said terse goodbyes.
I haven’t heard from her since.
What’s with this family? Do they think that now that their son is famous, they’re better than us?
Not quite celeb status
Sadly, that could be the case. Sometimes fame goes to people’s heads and they forget their roots. This boy wouldn’t be the first to suffer an inflated ego.
But the parents thinking they’re high and mighty, riding his coattails, is very weak. And to dump old friends who I imagine were there from the beginning of his career, promoted him, gave him the confidence to go for his dreams…. well, that’s just ugly.
Love him from afar; teach your children that fame and fortune do not go hand-in-hand with dumping old friends and walking away from your past. Your past is what makes you who you are today.
Dear Lisi: I have been dating my girlfriend for six months; we were friends with benefits for two years before that. We are both young adults; I just started university. To put this politely, I simply don’t see her mothering our future potential children. We have a lot of moral differences and I feel like that will be a problem in the future.
I worry that the longer we stay together, the harder it’ll be to find people better suited to us. I’ve been thinking about breaking up with her but I know it would devastate her. I also fear I’ll regret my decision.
She is a wonderful woman and is thoughtful, caring, but I just don’t see her as “wife material.” How do I gain the courage to finally end it?
I also worry about being lonely as most of my friends are in different cities or busy with their own lives.
I would appreciate advice on these matters!
Unsure of future
If anything, you are not right for this young woman. First you disrespected her by accepting the friends with benefits situation for two years. Obviously, she cared more about you since you’ve now officially become a couple.
But what’s changed? She’s the same person you were sleeping with before you became a couple. I completely understand why, as teenagers, you weren’t thinking about what kind of partner/parent she would become, but why are you thinking about that now? By my calculations, if you just started university, you’re still a teenager!
She deserves a thoughtful, mature conversation. If she is also focused on the future now, and you don’t see that with her, then yes, you two should break up. But if she’s also just a teenager, maybe she also just wants to enjoy a healthy relationship with someone she trusts. For now.
Talk it through. But whatever you do, don’t stay together because you’re afraid of being lonely. That’s not fair to her.
Dear Lisi: At least once a week, one of my neighbours, and I know which one, parks in front of my driveway rendering my driveway unusable. I have knocked on her door, put notes on her windshield, even called the police.
Her response? “I have a disability and a handicap parking permit.” To which I reply, “That’s irrelevant. This is my driveway.”
What do I do?
Give her one more chance. If she does it again, do all of the above. That is, put a note on her windshield, knock on her door, and call the police. When the police come, tell them the situation and have them explain to her that the permit doesn’t override someone’s driveway.
You’ll have to ask them what to do if it continues, because you don’t want to do anything that could be deemed criminal, even though she’s in the wrong.
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com