Though your doctor is the last person you should think of on Valentine's Day, the patient-doctor relationship is one of your most important. Your health depends on it.
Ideally, it's a relationship of mutual positive regard.
You feel comfortable telling your doctor anything and everything, and you trust your doctor to give you the best care.
In turn, your doctor knows all about you, trusts you, guides you through the health-care system and supports you through the highs and lows of life.
But like every other relationship, it is rarely perfect.
We can have communication problems - not surprising when we are speaking two different languages: Medspeak and normal English.
Misunderstandings are common. Even when the doctor writes instructions down, they can be hard to read.
You might not feel bold enough to disagree with your doctor or admit that you won't be able to follow through with the plan. Then you may feel embarrassed to come back not having adhered to it.
If communication has been particularly bad, you may harbour negative feelings towards your doctor and perhaps all doctors.
Some people never see doctors for just this reason.
Of course, uncomfortable physical examinations are another.
The reasons for conflict and discomfort are complex. Doctors are human, too, with their own priorities and emotional reactions.
Sometimes our styles and personalities clash. As with all our relationships, we each bring emotional baggage to the bedside.
Medical school teaches us to be dispassionate and dissociated so that we can be objective and clear-headed in an emergency. If we do this too well, we can come across as cold and clinical.
We learn a particular system of inquiry - a way of funnelling down our questions from broad to narrow.
When we become too focused on disease and overly task-oriented, we may seem abrupt and rushed.
Doctors are known to interrupt their patients' answers in order to ask another question.
Patients sometimes feel like they are treated like a number or a disease.
They want to be seen and treated as complete individuals.
You might be surprised to hear that, with very few exceptions, my colleagues invariably put the patient first.
The individual is the focus of every clinical encounter. It is the priority of all that we do - in our daily work, at our meetings, on rounds and in lectures.
Doctors do care about your well-being, but they don't always show it.
Have you ever felt unappreciated in a relationship, then realized that you are valued in different ways?
It's as if men and women are from Earth and doctors are from another planet.
In upcoming columns in this series, you'll learn about promising new initiatives to help physicians relate better to their patients.
It's something we all value. A solid patient-doctor relationship facilitates the therapeutic alliance needed to ensure the best
clinical outcomes and positive experiences for both you and your physician.
This is a cornerstone of the new Burnaby Division of Family Practice, a non-profit association of the city's family physicians. Our vision for the Burnaby community: patients and physicians achieving health and happiness.
But to improve any relationship, both sides must work together.
We need your feedback.
Send your comments and suggestions to me at facebook.com/davidicus. wong or leave a comment on my website at davidicuswong.wordpress.com.
What do you like? What don't you like? How can we do it better?
Dr. Davidicus Wong is chair of the Burnaby Division of Family Practice. His Healthwise column appears regularly in this paper. You can find his Positive Potential Medicine podcasts at wgrnradio.com.
